the bully issue keeps coming up ever so often when there’s kids around you…. this time it was Ira. Past few days she’s been complaining about a boy at school who pushes everyone around, spits at her friends, pulls her hair opening her plaits …well essentially he is a total boor. I recommended talking about it to her class teachers. During a PTM I also brought it up casually saying “I guess the boy wants to be friends with her and is not sure how to go about it so just see if you guys can get it resolved amicably”….
for a few days the complaints were still there but not so angry and frequent…. yesterday at dispersal time she came with her plaits undone. Recently she’s started getting plaits made as her hair is a bit longer now and she’s totally in love with them. So yes this was a big deal. She was quiet but I understood. So I asked “what happened?” says “Ansh pulled my hair and opened my plaits”. So I asked her “did you tell maam?” she is like “no use telling maam, if maam shouts at Ansh to stop doing something he just goes and shouts right back at them calling them idiot…. he was pulling Rhyka by her arm and spitting on her yesterday so I went and told maam so he was sent to another class but today he pulled my hair”….. So yeah I was a little disturbed and a little amused as well (after all what goes around comes around and heaven knows I was no paragon of virtue in my day)…. anyway I said “lets go talk to Shalini and Falak maam about it”. So off we went to meet the class teachers. The teachers were very receptive and apologetic about it, they explained that they had spoken to his parents about it as well and he had improved a bit but after the Ganpati break he was back to being a brat. They agreed between themselves that they need to talk to his parents again. So we came back reassured.
On the drive back home I thought I should maybe give her the “go codes” for handling bullies…. the way I had given the gyaan to Ria some time back. So I started talking about the escalation matrix…. first talk to him clearly tell him an emphatic “NO”. If he still persists warn him once more. If that too does not help go to the class teachers and complain to them. Finally if that too does not make any dent in his persistence beat him up!… I explained to her how it is perfectly ok to hit back in such a situation. I also advised her to form a gang of kids bullied by Ansh essentially include the others who have been similarly affected. She loved the idea and was all gung ho about going to school and beating up Ansh after forming her gang today.
Afternoon dispersal time, expecting to be summoned to the principals office (for having incited kids to violence) and prepared with my defence I landed up at school. Madam comes out all chirpy as usual. Says “I didn’t hit Ansh” so I’m like “right!! dodged a bullet there”…. further explains “see if I hit him then he will hit me again, and then I will hit him again and it will go on”….. so much for Khan ka gyaan!! I asked her “did mamma explain that to you?” to which she says “no I thought about it in the morning and figured it out, I’ll just ignore him.”
This is a 4 year old who can’t get into her dungarees without asking me to help her…. daymn I should’ve met her at least 36 years back when I was 4…. would’ve exchanged valuable life lessons…. maybe made some friends….
Sweet n smart